Today

Both a curse and a blessing, it is
To let the weight of everything fall down on my shoulders
To blame myself for every faults that are not even mine
To care, and notice too much
To give my love to people too deep

매일, it is a struggle to choose between seeing everything and be in pain
Or ignore most details, and go off in bliss
In this perpetual quest for happiness, is it wrong to choose to be oblivious?
Choose to not be hurt, and bitter, and be peaceful?

It is

지금, I’m learning that happiness gets far away from you by choosing not to notice
It may be often painful, but that’s just the way it is
It just gets closer and closer, when you decide that  you have to get in zone with the present moment.

오늘 너무 행복해.
매일 진짜 행복해.

I hope you are, too.

CollageMaker_20180205_214035052

Advertisements

Avian

I remember myself saying that I’ll never forget your sweetness
How you make my sweaty palms cool down,
how you heal my dizzy, flighty soul,
how your embrace brings me warmth.

It was from a long time ago
To you, I kneel down
Believe me when I say that I always keep you in my hands
I always want to remember you
I do, I do.

I lay down under the stars,
One lovely night
Tracing my fingers – constellations to constellations
My eyes espied a painting.

It was a painting of you – – –
Comely and staggering
But I didn’t know you.

In a crooked melody, my chest ached
I bawled, trying to remember everything again
I have to know you
I do, I do.

 

How Love is Shared

Last December 9, I attended an event of Grain Foundation for PWD Inc., in coordination with Korea International Cooperation Agency, called, “Kaya: Kung Kaya Mo, Kaya Ko.” It is a fund raising event through the shared performances (persons with disability) PWDs and Youth Group. It was held at the activity area in Robinsons Novaliches, near SM Fairview. The activity began at about 1 pm, and there were many PWD students, parents, teachers and spectators who were there. Just before the event started, the people gathered around the booths near the event area to register, and to purchase goods created by the SpEd students of Grain Foundation that includes mini notebooks, purses, bags, bracelets, necklaces, etc. I bought a mini notebook, and a green bracelet with a mustache bead. The notebooks’ designs were actually painted by their students, and the one that I purchased was painted by a student named Christopher Lopez, who sang a Christmas song later in the event. The bracelet looked really nice, and attached to the bracelet was a message that says, “Thank you for your donation! This bracelet is 100% made by our students with Cerebral Palsy, Fanconi Syndrome, Intellectual Disability and Autism… Love, Joy Disability School – GPM.” There was also a beautiful caption at the end that says. “Disability is not to be overcome, but a lifestyle made complete through sharing.” I think this message was really showcased the main purpose of the event, which is to let people know no matter how different we are, no matter how much we lack, as individuals, we still have so many things to share to other people such as our love and passion to our talents and hobbies.

IMG_20180104_193901

While the stage was being prepared, I noticed that many people are lining up at a booth near the event. They are actually lining up for free Korean coffee called Yang Tang Guk, which are also served by two Koreans. I asked one of the handlers, Ms. Stephanie R. Relova about this, and she told me that Grain Foundation is also sponsored by them (KOICA), along with Mirai Welfare Foundation. She also told me that they are also in partnership with TESDA, NCDA, DSWD, House of Representative Winston “Winnie” Castelo, and the UP Special Education Council, among others. I’ve read that Grain Foundation for PWD Inc. aims to help the PWD community particularly the individuals with Developmental Disability and Deaf to PWD by giving them the opportunity to study and work without discrimination. They offer free vocational training project to prepare them to acquire skills necessary to lead independent lives in the future. I’ve also learned that this is actually free and the organization provides for the transportation, meal, uniform, and ID. Some of the programs and services of their foundation includes the Joy Disability School, Vocational Training, Livelihood Program, and Taekwondo and Korean Language.

    The atmosphere inside the venue was vibrant and brimming with positivity, even before the event started. On some sides, there were teachers or sign language interpretators gesturing to some of their students. There were times when there were students who were anxious, and kept covering their ears with their hands because of the noise and too much sensory stimulation, however, their guardians, and sometimes, the volunteers would accommodate them kindly, and would help them to calm down. It is also refreshing to see that almost all of the people around me were very encouraging to one another. The students cheer with their other classmates, happily supporting, and clapping for them when they see them on stage. Even the teachers, volunteers,  and their parents were very supporting, widely grinning and smiling behind the camera. They performed by group, sometimes by themselves, or with the participating Youth Group and sometimes, individually. Their performances were really engaging and excellent and one could really tell how much time they allotted for practicing for their performances and pieces, because almost all of them were very well polished. Their theme is around Christmas so they sang mostly Christmas songs, and danced to Christmas music.

Before every performances, videos of the testimonies of the students and parents were shown on the large screen on the right corner of the stage. The videos moved a lot of people, in a positive manner. The students were cheering for their peers whenever it would be their turns to share their stories. Some parents were emotional after watching, and actually started getting teary-eyed. Although the people have very different backgrounds, and they all have very different circumstances and stories to tell, they all share the same experiences of really struggling with themselves, just before they entered the organization. They shared their troubles about their self-esteem, how being not well-off actually hinders them more to try more things, and how they struggle in accepting and loving themselves because of the stigma that the society places on them. Although they admit that they do still have these struggles, they share that the foundation help them alleviate these struggles, by helping them discover their talents and potentials, and by helping them know and realize that they have many talents and gifts to share to the people around them and to the world.

Although I came there all alone, I left the event with a happy, full, and hopeful heart. The people there were inspiring in many ways. They inspire me to work harder with what I have, and to share it what other people. They also made me remember that it is important to be patient and to listen, and take time to help other people. The foundation’s motto is, “We share love,” and I can truthfully say that I’ve seen lots of love at that day, and I also thankfully say that I also received mine.

Run

large

In the midst of this all, I run in place
I run to bark at the lazy whispers that holds me back from trying
I run to remember my errors, my faults, and all the evils that I’ve done
I run to talk again with her who’ve lost me…
Or did I lost her?
I run to chase her again, to forgive her for being imperfect
I run to breathe and take a last long time of introspection, to check what kind of person I’m becoming,
to understand if I am really growing, and still learning
or if my heart is still pure;
I’ll run and run in this place, until I’m ready to take off…
I hope that I’ll be alright soon.

100 Questions

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

“ 3. I figured that if everyone else could smoke a cigarette without coughing, I could damn well too.” – Looking for Alaska, John Green

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?

My ukelele

3) Before you started this survey, what were you doing?

Watching BTS’s recent Run episode on V app.

4) What is the last thing you watched on TV?

24 Oras

5) Without looking, guess what time it is.

9 pm?

6) Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

9:32 pm.

7) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Electric fan and my younger brother’s foot steps.

8) When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

A while ago. We went somewhere and bought something.

9) Did you dream last night?

No.

10) Do you remember your dreams?

Yes, right after I wake up, but as the day goes on, the memory of my dreams slips away. I don’t remember any now except for the extreme ones.

11) When did you last laugh?

A while ago.

12) Do you remember why / at what?

No. I laugh at everything.

13) What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Calendars and educational posters.

14) Seen anything weird lately?

No

15) What do you think of this quiz?

A good medium to reflect on things

16) What is the last film you saw?

Orange. It’s a good Japanese film. 🙂

17) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Anywhere, as long as it is with the people I love.

18) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Tickets, for movies, plays, extreme adventure, etc.

19) Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.

I’m only 4″11 😦

20) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

Eradicate wars.

21) Do you like to dance?

Yes, I just developed my appreciation to dance just recently (because of KPop tbh). I used to hate dancing so much when I was younger.

22) Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes, but I would probably take my family or friends with me. I don’t want to live alone.

23) Does your name make any interesting anagrams?

An Alice G. (??) I can’t make any interesting ones.

24) Who made the last incoming call on your phone?

My mama.

25) What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

Spirited Away. It’s a Japanese animation film

26) Last time you swam in a pool?

January 2017. I can’t really remember the date.

27) Type of music you like most?

I love almost all kinds of music. 😮 Acoustic pop always gets me. But, recently, I’m into hiphop.

28) Type of music you dislike most?

Hard metal and emo punk. :< I used to like emo punk when I was younger though.

29) Are you listening to music right now?

Not at the moment.

30) What color is your bedroom carpet?

We don’t have a bedroom carpet 😂

31) If you could change something about your house, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?

Everything. I would just transfer to another house with my family. It would be easier.

32) What was the last thing you bought?

람연 noodles

33) Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?

Nooo. I’d like to try

34) Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?

Both!!!

35) Do you have a garden?

No

36) Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?

I do

37) What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

“It’s too early.”

38) If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?

Jesus Christ

39) Who sent the last text message you received?

My mother.

40) Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

Some music store. But, I don’t think I like the idea of owning a credit card.

41) What time is bed time?

Somewhere between 11:30am – 2:30am depending on the day and how tired I am.

42) Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?

No. I’d like to attend one to feed my constantly aesthetic-starving soul.

43) How many tattoos do you have?

I don’t have any.

44) If you don’t have any, have you ever thought of getting one?

Yes, but just simple designs on areas that are not often exposed.

45) What did you do for your last birthday?

It was a normal day. My mother prepared some extra food for that day. I like making my birthdays as normal days so I don’t really tell anyone.

46) Do you carry a donor card?

No. I used to but I can’t find it anymore.

47) Who was the last person you ate dinner with?

My family

48) Is the glass half empty or half full?

Half full

49) What’s the farthest-away place you’ve been?

Abra. 😦 I want to travel farther though.

50) When’s the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?

I don’t think I’ve ever had home-grown tomatoes.

51) Have you ever won a trophy?

Yes, but it was a group trophy.

52) Are you a good cook?

Maybe?

53) Do you know how to pump your own gas?

????

54) If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?

Jesus Christ.

55) Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?

Yes.

56) Do you touch-type?

I do.

57) What’s under your bed?

Old things.

58) Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

59) Think fast, what do you like right now?

BTS

60) Where were you on Valentine’s day?

At school

61) What time do you get up?

M – F : 6:30 am ; Weekends – 9/10 am

62) What was the name of your first pet?

Torxeus, Torxisse. They are white pigeons.

63) Who is the second to last person to call you?

Ivan (a friend)

64) Is there anything going on this weekend?

The usual ones. I haven’t been updated.

65) How are you feeling right now?

Uhm.. insecure? a little happy? 🙂

66) What do you think about the most?

The future. It’s kind of unhealthy actually because I tend to overdo it. But I can’t help it

67) What time do you get up in the morning?

See Question 61.

68) If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?

Right after I won but I would only tell relatives and close friends

69) Who would you tell first?

My papa.

70) What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?

Le Petit Poucet (a French film) It was last year and I watched it for free. I don’t really go to cinemas.

71) Do you sing in the shower?

YES.

72) Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

See Question 40.

73) What do you do most when you are bored?

Practice instrments/learn guitar/ watch a variety show in a foreign language

74) What do you do for a living?

I’m still a student, but I work part-time as a teacher

75) Do you love your job?

Yessssss.

76) What did you want to be when you grew up?

To be an elementary teacher 🙂 And a writer. Or a business owner. Or some profession related to music.

77) If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?

Music producer.

78) Which came first the chicken or the egg?

Egg

79) How many keys on your key ring?

I don’t have a key ring

80) Where would you retire to?

Somewhere nice and peaceful.

81) What kind of car do you drive?

I don’t own a car.

82) What are your best physical features?

My eyes and my dimples

83) What are your best characteristics?

I like taking care of people. 🙂 And I’m not boastful

84) If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?

Somewhere in Seoul, South Korea

85) What kind of books do you like to read?

I like non-fiction these days, but I used to like YA a lot.

86) Where would you want to retire to?

See Question 80.

87) What is your favorite time of the day?

my waking hours

88) Where did you grow up?

Quezon City, Philippines

89) How far away from your birthplace do you live now?

I’m still here.

90)What are you reading now?

These questions.

91) Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Both 🙂 What is sleep?

92) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No.

93) Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?

Yes? Is this something some people cannot do?

94) Do you have pets?

Nooo. My parents don’t allow me.

95) How many rings before you answer the phone?

About 3? My phone is only on vibrate so I cant really hear unless it’s close to me.

96) What is your best childhood memory?

Hanging out with many people who are no longer in my life.

97) What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?

Loool I’m still young HAHAH but I did worked as a canteen crew for 1 week and right now, I’m working part time as a tutor.

98) Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?

I just bought my first pizza for my family from the money that I actually worked for 😍

99) What is most important in life?

Kindness and love

100) What Inspires You?

Love

* My answers turned out to be monotonous 😦 I’m sorry if this bored you even more. I’m writing this at a time when I have no energy to write but I write anyways because I challanged myself to do this last week. Thank you for reading! 가자! ♥

Photography Tuesdays 01

You tiptoe further and further away from the sunshine of my palms,
eager to see the shadows of the moon again, not because you miss its quiet enigma
but because you thought that the sun is shining too brightly that it hurts
your fingertips
your chest
and the soles of your feet;
you became so used to it that you thought you can no longer feel how much it actually hurts.

I want to tie a rope around your hands and yolk it with mine,
but your flighty soul is wanting to run from the sunshine, envying instead the sadness of the shadows.

I hope that I speak stronger than the dark half of your soul, so that his screams would be meager whispers,
and our pleas would come to you clearer.

5 Beloved BIGBANG (빅뱅) Songs

If anyone would ask me why I am learning Hangul, it is because of this wonderful band that I love so much — BIGBANG. I want to understand their songs, and sing along with them whenever their music plays. I’m not much of a fan yet when they came here in the Philippines, although I already knew some of their songs (Last Dance, Lies, Haru Haru, Fantastic Baby, etc.). Years after they came here, I inadvertenly plunged my way deep into the VIP fandom, discovered a lot of beautiful BIGBANG music, and then, slowly, I became a VIP myself.

It’s not very hard to love them. The members (G-Dragon, Taeyang, Daesung, T.O.P., Seungri) are actually complex and interesting personalities. I discovered this in variety shows, interviews, TV Shows, and radio shows where they appeared. They always give deep insights on things. They knew when to get serious and when to mess around. Also, they are all very hard-working and professional. They put so much effort, efficiency and passion into their work (composing, dancing, singing).

But, what I admire the most about their group is their strong brotherhood that I really, really envy.

There’s still so much to say about them, but I’m not writing those here, because I’d like to invite you to this fandom, and discover it yourself, slowly, just as how I experienced it. Slow is the best, trust me. It’s not enough to read about how awesome they are or how good their music is. Watch them, listen to their music, and you’ll know. 💕

I’d like to share you 5 of the most beloved BIGBANG songs by VIPs (based on what I’ve read on forums, polls, etc.), in no particular order.

(Here’s the playlist of the songs used in this post, just in case you want to listen while reading.)

1. Let’s Not Fall in Love (우리 사랑하지 말아요)

clqtt8lumaa7_pk1

Notable lyrics:

◀ 우리 사랑하지 말아요 아직은 잘 모르잖아요
사실 조금은 두려운 거야
그대 미안해요
우리 약속하지 말아요 내일은 또 모르잖아요
하지만 이 말 만은 진심이야
그대 좋아해요

English translation:

Let’s not fall in love, we don’t know each other very well yet
Actually, I’m a little scared,
I’m sorry
Let’s not make promises, you never know when tomorrow comes
But I really mean it when I say
I like you

◀ 날 가지려 하지 말아요
그저 이대로 조금만 있어요
갈수록 더 마음 아파지게 왜?

English translation:

Don’t try to have me
Let’s just stay like this
You’re making it more painful, why?

2. If You

2ey8411

Notable lyrics:

◀멀어지는 그 뒷모습만을 바라보다
작은 점이 되어 사라진다
시간이 지나면 또 무뎌질까
옛 생각이 나 니 생각이 나

IF YOU IF YOU
아직 너무 늦지 않았다면
우리 다시 돌아갈 수는 없을까
IF YOU IF YOU
너도 나와 같이 힘들다면
우리 조금 쉽게 갈 수는 없을까
있을 때 잘할 걸 그랬어

English translation:

I’m looking at her, getting farther away
She becomes a small dot and then disappears
Will this go away after time passes?
I remember the old times. I remember you

If you, If you
If it’s not too late
Can’t we get back together?
If you,  If you
If you’re struggling like I am,

Can’t we make things a little easier?
I should’ve treated you better when I had you

3. Bang Bang Bang (뱅 뱅 뱅)

big-bang-bang-bang-bang

Notable lyrics:

◀난 불을 질러 네 심장을 태워
널 미치게 하고 싶어
B.I.G Yea we bang like this 모두 다 같이

총 맞은 것처럼

BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
빵야 빵야 빵야
BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
빵야 빵야 빵야

English translation:

I’ll set this place on fire, to burn up your heart
I wanna make you go crazy
B.I.G Yea we bang like this, everyone together

Like you’ve been shot

BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Bang bang bang
BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Bang bang bang

4. Last Dance

maxresdefault

Notable lyrics: (I can honestly quote the whole song. It’s just so beautiful.)

◀영원할 줄 알았던 사랑도 저물고

이젠 그 흔한 친구마저 떠나가네요
나이가 들어서 나
어른이 되나 봐요
왜 이렇게 불안할까

사람들은 오늘도 과거에 머물고
세상은 나 없이도 잘 돌아가네요
아직은 어려서 나
철이 안 드나 봐요
왜 이렇게 바보 같을까

아무것도 없이
그저 행복해하던 때가
엊그제 같은데
그래 너무 멀리 와버렸어 난
기억이 안 나
모든 게 처음이라
서툴고 설레이기만 해
그 시절 기억들이
아직도 꿈만 같은데 난
지금 어디로 가는지

나는 이 노랠 부르며
너에게 돌아갈 거야
아름다웠던 그댈
다시 볼 수 있다면
너와 이 노랠 들으며
마지막 춤을 출 거야
이 순간을 기억해 언제까지라도
Just one last dance

English translation:

Love that I thought would last forever has set

Now even my friends are leaving
Beacuse I’m getting older
I guess I’m becoming an adult
Why am I so anxious?

People linger in the past again today
The world goes around just fine even without me
I’m still young
I’m still immature
Why am I such a fool?

Times that I was so happy
Even without anything
It seems like yesterday
But I came too far
I don’t remember it anymore
Because everything was for the first time
I was clumsy and filled with butterflies
Memories of those times
Are still like a dream
But where am I going right now

As I sing this song
I will go back to you
If only I could see the beautiful you again
I will listen to this song with you
And have a last dance
Remember this moment
Until always
Just one last dance

5. Haru Haru (하루하루)

maxresdefault1

Notable lyrics:

◀돌아보지 말고 떠나가라 또 나를 찾지말고 살아가라
너를 사랑했기에 후회 없기에 좋았던 기억만 가져가라
그럭저럭 참아 볼만 해 그럭저럭 견뎌 낼만 해
넌 그럴수록 행복해야 돼 하루하루 무뎌져 가네

English Translation:

Don’t look back and leave
Don’t find me again and just live on
Because I have no regrets from loving you, so only take the good memories
I can bear it in some way
I can stand it in some way
You should be happy if you are like this
Day by day it fades away

Recommendations:

Here are another 4 songs from their sub-units/ solos that you should also check out:

1. Eyes, Nose, Lips – Taeyang ( 태양)

2. Good Boy – 태양 x G.D

3. That XX – G- 드래곤

4. Darling – 태양